The Stolen Diary
It was not that I hated him from first sight. He sort of had a really appealing personality, quite unusual than anyone I ever laid eyes on! Tall, brown and a smile that made me go weak in my knees! All I asked him was this: “Can we be friends?” I thought I saw him smile on hearing this quite unusual request; nevertheless he didn’t bother to respond. He never spoke to me nor did we exchange our numbers to kick start our friendship.
I didn’t talk; I didn’t move; I didn’t sleep; I didn’t eat. Even with so many friends around me, I still missed him. I missed the version of him that I carried on in my head. My heart skipped a beat whenever I saw his name on the bill boards. Enterprises, bus services, saloons, restaurants and even lorries! C’mon why in the world does he need to have such a common name? My innocent looks nor my cute smile could melt his heart! How will it melt anyways? Isn’t he made up of stone? Quite unusual isn’t he? Being a half human and a half elephant, people do call him God! “A God!” But to me he was much much more.
Someone once told me that he was once this chubby little kid, who was strong at heart. He once had an argument with his father and the supposedly great God of love and the real life example of a mentally stable person got furious at his son and chopped of his head. When he couldn’t manage to find a glue stick near him to stick off his head and yeah while repenting over his mistake, he brought home a tired and sleepy elephant’s head and managed to stick it with his body! People say he became a stone God from then on! (A super duper kiddish story, even the kids of this generation wouldn’t believe it anyways!). Nevertheless, I wanted to see and be with the version of him that I only imagined of.
“Wait! Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you in love with a God? That’s preposterous”, people tell me. “Why not?” I ask them. Some people see their God as a father; some as husband and some as a son. I’m just seeing him as someone with whom I share a deep connection with. I see him as someone with whom I share a bond; a bond not shallow as in the Facebook World but instead more deep and profound as the good old days!
I know he likes me. I get that from the secret smiles we share. I keep visiting him every other day. I tell him stories of what happened during my day. But, he still never utters a word. Years kept passing by slowly and still the communication with him was just one way. I talk; I cry; I jump; I laugh and for all this his reaction is still his standard trademark smile.
I love him and adore him by my own standards and hey who does have a tachometer for measuring love? He is pretty much the world to me and just because he was given the post of a God, he doesn’t seem to acknowledge the feeling that I have for him. I’m mad at him and I’m mad at my fellow folks too. I don’t understand why it is considered holy and spiritual when Meera or Andal could love their God and be narrated as poetic and lovely whereas me the 21st century Meera is looked down upon as though I have recently moved out of a mental asylum?
All the angst and frustration keeps bottling up in me every now and then! As they say, may be this too shall pass!!
PS: Idea for this article came up in my head when I kept staring at a portrait of Meera fully engrossed in love over Krishna. I kept thinking what would she do and what would she think like if she lived in the year 2014. And yeah! I finally manged to tear a page out of her diary! 🙂