I was 14 years old then. An innocent teenager with just thoughts of meeting the love of my life. Not one of those who you think as a hard core Mills & Boons follower. Well! You need money for that! I was instead the one who kept building castles in my dreams. A type of girl who truly believes in the good old happily ever after!
How will I end up meeting him? Will I just happen to bump on him on a traffic signal and fall head over heels as Hrithik Roshan did or will there be a musical melody in the background when I first meet him? Will the cupid strike me with his best arrows at the moment we meet or is it going to be friendship turned love? And then I met him. Nothing poetic as I imagined. But it was nice to know that someone liked me after all!!
He wasn’t one that I imagined to be. Well! I’m not sure on what I imagined anyways! He was 15 years elder to me with slight grey hairs on the side and a tummy which looked like as though he was 7 months old and I managed to see all this in a moment’s notice! Women right??!! 😉
Within a month later, I got married to him. A day I was dreaming for all through my living years. What color saree will I wear and what sort of make up will I choose? The whole world just eyeing me as I intend to take the first of many steps with my partner for life. And just like that, my very own World started centering around my very own man! By the next year, we had our first daughter and the next 3 followed shortly.
I’m 27 years right now and a proud mother of 4. I take pride in being a good daughter; I continue to live within the boundaries that the society & religion has laid for me; I feel immense pride in being called Mrs. so & so or she is so & so’s mom. I’m just another usual mom who likes to take pride in her daughter’s accomplishments. I’m just another mom who loves when someone thinks that my daughter is in fact my sister (we hardly have 12 yrs age difference!!). I’m just another mom whose whole life is centered around her family!!
But no matter what, I at most times feel that tinge of jealousy come over me when my friends and relatives are braver than me. When they have known so much of life than me! When they have set up so many ground rules to establish their own life! When they have found an identity in themselves before getting fixated as someone else!! At the end of it, I miss being me. All I can relate now is to the tiny little voice in my head which started with telling me stories in the beginning and which has resulted to a yelling state now! Sooner or later, I believe it will lead itself into a fading state!
I couldn’t help but keep asking myself. What has happened to the real me, the one who had so much of castles to build??!!